Sometimes you are too busy to tie your shoes. This is why
the loafer was invented. You could be playing backgammon
for money and have to keep focused. The loafer
is also important when you have been playing darts for beer.
Your head is spinning so much that you cannot bend over.
Later, when you want to move up in the world, it will be important
to have a pair of loafers to wear in the workplace.
You can dust off your old pair from college unless they were
your drinking shoes. This will give the message that you need
more time to spend on work. When you are wearing loafers
try to keep your feet flat on the ground. It may be tempting
to cross your legs at this time, to admire your loafers
close up. This is advised against. Someone in loafers
runs the risk of looking like they don't have respect for society.
That they may be secretly an anarchist. They wear
loafers so that they can keep their shoes intact in jail.
Loafers are as important in any wardrobe as a dress watch.
These keep you presentable. You can wear loafers
on most occasions. In fact, there are times when you can be
overdressed in a pair of loafers! These are the times to avoid
because they are usually associated with a type of sport.
Sports can be fine if you play them well. Getting out on the court
when you have no idea what you're doing can be
disastrous. You will regret that. It is best to be the one
who brings the music. You can say you're on the lodge team.
The loafer is nice in either the cool or the warm seasons.
They are perennials. When you wear loafers, rest assured
that you will always be cutting edge. They say substance.
How to Win Reunion
Everybody's pregnant. The whole thing is a mishmash
of divorces and births so that the drinking is finally left up to the men.
Some people are just now getting to law school. When there is
nothing left to know about brokering. Some people are talking
about their dogs. You look at your friend who thought she would never
get married and here she is with a husband and toddler in tow.
College looks familiar. The buildings are holding up, which, somehow,
is a surprise. There are no children walking around
thinking they are adults who happen to have juvenile behavior
that they will outgrow, like the men wrestling in the grass
who did not get the memo. It may have come as a shock
at 25 that you were not a millionaire. How did this happen?
Some people are millionaires. They have flown in from the Arab Emirates.
He looks single. But, you won't be tied down. There is still time
to open a microbrewery and brew hefeweizen. You can
make reunion special by kissing someone as long as you are assured
that they don't have a social disease. This you will not likely
regret. No one can notice. No one can care until you e-mail them
about it after and then they only care for two e-mails.
This will make reunion memorable. Unlike college, which is as distant
a memory as your first reading of Still Life with Woodpecker.
College has a way of seeping into your bones. It defines generations.
When you are talking with your friends about nothing, avoiding
the topics of how you are doing and what is up, stick to Hey.
Skip to nothing and hope the lasts for forty-five seconds
before moving on to the next person. You can't fidget.